Monday, June 21, 2010

This love is difficult*

He loves me? he loves me not?
Loving someone isn’t easy.
If only you knew...
that i know i love you because there are 6 billion people in the world and I still want you. Only you.
I think apart of me has loved you ever since i first saw you. The first time I saw you time almost slowed down, slowed down enough for me to take in every detail. Your beautiful visage, your muscular physique and then time returned to normal and in a second you were gone again. And just like that I became captivated. You are the most beautiful man I have ever seen.
The more closer we got the more I found out about you and try as I might I was still crazy about you.
I love you because you are my rock. You are the person I want to speak to when I am worried or when I don’t know what to do. I want to know your advice; I want to know what you think. You are the only person I want to talk to and the only person I want to listen to.

I love you because every time we spend time together I don’t ever want it to end. Yes, you are full of shit sometimes and that drives me crazy but that doesn’t change that I love you.

I know I love you because I cannot go more than 3 days without speaking to you. I love you because I care about you more than I care about anyone. When you are sick I want to be there for you and make your hot water bottle, give you the right medication and rub your back or scratch your head until you are feeling better.

I want to make you happy when you are sad.

I will drive to your house on Valentines Day and buy a chocolate to make you feel better so that for a few minutes you are not upset.

I love you because you are one of the few people I can truly be myself around. When I am with you I am the happiest I can be.

I love you because even though I say I loathe you, and I do sometimes I love you all of the time. I am the type of girl that can be so hurt and still look at you and smile, the type of girl that is willing to brighten your day even if I cant brighten my own.

I don’t know where I stand with you and I don’t know what I mean to you. All is know is that every time I think of you all I want to do is be with you.

I like the way you sound in the morning,

We're on the phone and without a warning

i realize your laugh is the nest sound i have ever heard

i like the way i can't keep my focus,

i watch you talk you didn't notice

I hear the words but all I can think is we should be together

Every time you smile, I smile and

Every time you shine, I'll shine for you

Whoa oh I'm feeling you baby don’t be afraid to jump then fall, jump then fall into me

Baby, I'm never gonna leave you,

Say that you wanna be with me too

Cause I'm gonna stay through it all so jump then fall

Well I like the way your hair falls in your face

You got the keys to me I love each freckle on your face,

I've never been so wrapped up, 

I like the way you're everything I've ever wanted

I had time to think it oh-over and all I can say is come closer, 

Take a deep breath and jump then fall into me

Every time you smile, I smile

And every time you shine, I'll shine for you

The bottoms gonna drop out from under our feet

I'll catch you, I'll catch you

When people say things that bring you to your knees, 

I'll catch you the time is gonna come when you're so mad you could cry

But I'll hold you through the night until you smile

i wasn't going to risk it, but i believe in fate and in signs and just when i was thinking about whether or not i should take the risk for you, whether or not it would be worth it, i got a fortune cookie and the fortune inside read: don’t be afraid of taking that big step. Success comes from calculated risks. That was just the sign i needed.

All this time I have known that I care about you more than you care about me, I guess what upset me the most was that this week proved that.

Like I said to you last night, I think you are amazing, you are by far the best guy that I know next to my dad. You are smart, funny, responsible and i look up to you. I care about you like I only care about 3 people and that means that I would do anything for you if it means making you happy.

I understand that you like this girl and she makes you happy and that is what is important to me.

We were both young when I first saw you.

I close my eyes and the flashback starts:

I'm standing there on a balcony in summer air.

i love driving with you in your car while we sing drops of jupiter at an immense volume.

i love cooking with you in the kitchen. i love that you insist on sleeping next to me on the couch and as small as the space may be it is still wonderful because i am next to you. i love cuddling with you while you sleep even though you snore. i love your chest hair. i love that you are the only person with the ability to make me angry.i love it when you randomly tackle me. i love beating you in wii tennis. i love that you think you can sing so well. i love that you know me better than i think you do. most of all i love who i am when i am around you.

i know i am young, you keep reminding me. That doesn't mean that i can't love you and that you can't love me too. i think my age scares you because you think you have to be the adult around me, but I don’t need you to be the responsible adult. I just need you to be my friend. I can make my own decisions. I know what is right and what is wrong, that doesn’t mean that I won't do the wrong things. Sometimes I have to test the wrong things so that I can realize for myself why they are wrong.

i would rather have you in my life as just my friend than not have you in my life at all.

Romeo save me; they're tryin' to tell me how to feel.

This love is difficult, but it's real.

Don't be afraid; we'll make it out of this mess.

It's a love story - baby just say 'Yes.'

I got tired of waiting,

Wondering if you were ever comin' around.

My faith in you was fading...

I dont want you to be too late.I have been in front of you for years just waiting for you to realize that I love you, that you love me too and instead of seeing that, instead of seeing that I was right there in front of you waiting for you, you saw every other girl except me. And you hurt me over and over again. And you didn’t ever see that. You didn’t see me when I was right there. I tried so hard with you, I gave you everything I had to give and you just took it all and left me, you never thought about my feelings or thought about everything that I was trying to communicate with you.

Take a chance; because you never know how absolutely perfect something could turn out to be.

I still loathe you. I will always loathe you.

No comments:

Post a Comment