Sunday, July 4, 2010

Its time...*

I have come to realize that I don't deserve this.I don't deserve loving you while you hurt me. I shouldn't worry about you, look forward to seeing you, cook for you, care for you, talk about you, think about you, want to be with you when you worry about her, look forward to seeing her, cook for her, care for her, talk about her, think about her and want to be with her.
You treat me like a child without actually taking the time to realize that i am not a child, not even close. You make me carry my heavy bags without helping me or opening the door for me. When I put in the effort to see you or do something with you that you would want to do, you don't act interested. You act like you are doing me a favour. Well, don't do me any favours, I actually don't need them from you.

I can see myself falling more in love with someone who doesn't treat me like I am more important than air someone who sees through me and I can see myself accepting it because I think the world starts and ends with you, because I just want you to be happy without ever realizing that you don't care if i am happy.
I deserve better.
And if ever you wake up to realize that I am the one, then you will have to fight harder than you can possibly imagine and you are going to have to treat me like I am worth the world, like you would give your life for me.

The problem is that once I have let go it is near impossible for me to let you in again. You have hurt me without me deserving it, you have made me feel insignificant, stupid, young and ugly and all I did was love you and try my hardest with you. So now I am stepping back and out of your life. You can continue in your lovely relationship with her, believing she is perfect. She isn't bad, I know that, but she isn't better than me or any other person. The difference between her and I is that i have known you for longer, I have loved you for longer. I know things about you that she doesn't know, that you don't even know i know. I think you are perfect. I wouldn't change anything about you. The difference between her and I is that she has you, I wish for you.
I know you are not perfect and people think I'm crazy for loving you especially because of the way you treat me and now I am seeing that they are right. So now that I have seen the light I am setting myself free from the trap that I got myself in with you.
When I find someone who treats me right and makes me feel like the most important person in the world I will realize that letting go, although difficult, was the best thing I could do because I don't deserve the way you treated me and you don't deserve me. I'm too good for you.